RANKED: All the Things in The Thing

All the Things in The Thing get ranked from least to best

Scream Factory has put out many of the greatest films by horror master John Carpenter (The Fog, They Live, Assault on Precinct 13, etc) but now they’re putting out the ultimate Collector’s Edition of his masterpiece The Thing on Blu-ray. The story of a group of dudes at an arctic outpost is best known for the unparalleled (to-this-day) practical effects by Rob Bottin, and we wanted to take this opportunity to run through EVERY iteration the title creature goes through as we rank All the Things in The Thing!

Click here to purchase Scream Factory’s new The Thing Blu-ray!

While we’re on the subject, it’s only fair to say that Scream has outdone itself yet again with this disc, which features a stunning 2K scan of the film, a revealing audio commentary from cinematographer Dean Cundey and all-new interviews with the cast and crew courtesy of the supplementary feature whiz kids at Red Shirt Pictures. We cannot recommend this disc enough.

It’s one thing (pun slightly intended) to glory at all the monster money shots in this 1982 remake, but it’s another thing to actually freeze-frame on all the different versions of the shape-shifting alien. We’re pretty confident you’ll find lots to dissect in the gallery below, and be sure to let us know YOUR favorite version of The Thing in The Thing in our comments section!

#16: Is Childs a Thing?

One of the longest-standing debates among fans of the film is whether Kurt Russell or Keith David are a Thing in the last scene of the film. While John Carpenter has said he'll never tell, director of photography Dean Cundey recently stated that he made a point of having no light reflected in the eyes of the actors who were The Thing. Now take a look at this photo of Childs... hmmm? 

#15: Windows Needs a Wash

Not one of Rob Bottin's most complex make-up jobs, he essentially just poured goo over actor Thomas G. Waites (not to be confused with actor/singer Tom Waits). It's still an effective moment, just nothing to write home about.

#14: Stop-Motion Blair Monster Tentacles

Animator Randall William Cook created a whole stop-motion animated sequence which showed the full-bodied Blair Monster in all his glory, but much like Dave Allen's stop-motion werewolves in The Howling only a fraction of it still exists in the film. The tentacles only appear for a few moments, and when you see the animated Blair Monster in the special features on the Blu-ray you'll realize that it didn't quite stack up to the practical make-up in terms of realism.

#13: Blair Gives Garry a Hand

Wilford Brimley shoves his evil alien hand right in Donald Moffat's surprised face and really wriggles it in there in one of the more subtle-but-haunting moments in the film. 

#12: Bennings Blows His Top

If you look close you can see actor Peter Maloney's hands inside the "Thing Hands," although the look on his face is what truly sells the shot. 

#11: The Breached Birth From Hell

A half-formed thing that was burned at the Norwegian camp is brought back to the American station for study. It looks like exactly what it is, a really beautiful/hideous sculpture, though it's shot by Dean Cundey in such a way that it feels like a real alien corpse. 

#10: Clawing His Way to the Top

This shot from the dog cage sequence hints at a physicality of the creature that is almost limitless. It could literally turn itself into a gigantic monster if it wouldn't completely give itself away.

#9: Smell My Flower

This may be one of The Thing's strangest iterations, as a flower-like appendage shoots out from the dog beast with tiny little dog teeth inside the peddles. It's as strangely beautiful as it is terrifying. 

#8: How Much is That Doggie in the Window?

This little guy was actually the creation of dearly departed effects legend Stan Winston (Predator, Aliens, The Terminator), who was called in to assist Rob Bottin in meeting a rigorous deadline. It's actually a very simple hand puppet being operated under a stage.

#7: Lunchtime for Palmer

During the blood test scene the laid-back pothead/conspiracy theorist Palmer (David Clennon) is revealed to have been taken over by The Thing. His body immediately explodes in a flux of blood and gore, his head enlarging and turning into a large mouth that eats poor Windows.

#6: The Blair Monster Cometh

Wilford Brimley's Blair, who is the first character at the outpost to truly recognize the danger of The Thing, later becomes one. The result is a true monstrosity, resembling a Lovecraftian tentacle with a half-man/half screaming jaw face and a dog bursting out of his stomach.

#5: Feed Me, Dr. Copper, Feed Me!

Eat your heart out, Little Shop of Horrors! Dr. Copper gets both hands bit off at the wrists when Norris' stomach turns itself into a venus flytrap from hell.

#4: Norris Spills His Guts

After the Norris Thing takes a bite out of Copper, another creature form resembling his facial features (if they were a werewolf) shoots out of his intestines. 

#3: Norris Loses His Head

Right after the gutbuster comes perhaps the film's most iconic image: Norris severing his head (painfully) from the rest of his body. Whatever materials Bottin used, it's totally disgusting and effective.

#2: Spider-Skull! Spider-Skull! Does Whatever a Spider-Skull Does!

Then, as if guilding the lily, Norris's head grows spider legs and antennae, which was all fleshed out in comic book artist Mike Ploog's gorgeous storyboards for the film.

#1: MacReady's Science Fair Project

The biggest jump scare in the movie comes from arguably the smallest iteration of The Thing. When the actual blood comes alive when burned -in an act of self-preservation- it shows just how unpredictable and insane this monster is. This scene is a high-water mark for the genre.

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